A-Squared Industries

THE INDY 500 IS MAY 27TH!!!

YAY! THE RACE! Man, we’re telling you that even Hell can be fun with the right people! If you need some convincing to get your rear in gear and go to the Indy 500 this year let us just say that no matter what preconceptions and prejudices you may have about the 500, it is truly one of the best times you can have enjoying the Indiana weather in late May with 400,000 of your closest friends! There is an ever-growing number of us who sit in the infield of the Speedway on a grassy viewing mound every year and drink way too much, yell way too much, partake in cheesy Hoosier-patriotic traditions, and generally let it all hang out in a great setting and most importantly, enjoy each others’ company in an incredibly loud and lewd environment. What more could you possibly want?!?

You’re probably asking yourself, “why the Hell would someone like me want to go to the Indy 500? Isn’t just drunk rednecks?”

In short: no. Remember when I said that even Hell can be fun with the right people? Imagine all of your friends and acquaintances that you are probably only used to seeing in the dark at bars (or similarly fun environments) instead were in the middle of the most famous racetrack in the world drinking, dancing, rabble rousing and seeing Benny Benassi rip up a set in the middle of the Snake Pit? The Race is fun, historic, and possibly the best use of thirty dollars and a full Sunday in the sun with your friends!

In previous years, we always sit (stand/mill about/whatever) on “OUR” viewing mound in the infield, halfway down the backstretch between turns 2 and 3. This is “our” spot - never fails to be the best infield spot for what we do.

What do we do? We make fun of the Purdue Marching Band every year, by telling them that “THE BIG DRUM SUCKS!” We shed a tear of patriotism when the Stealth Bomber flies overhead after the National Anthem. We sing along with Jim Nabors (Gomer Pyle!) to the tune of “Back Home Again in Indiana” which YOU WILL learn the words. We cheer the “Gentlemen (and ladies), START YOUR ENGINES!” We do a green flag beer blast. We have a great ‘ol time.

After last year’s success of the Snake Pit, though, we probably will spend most of our time there. Not only will you occupy yourself with beer and the games you bring, there will definitely be cool things to do in the Snake Pit like cornhole, beer pong, carnie games, and - of course - live music featuring international superstar DJ and producer Benny Benassi! Not enough? How about the Snake Pit being a stop on the Gumball 3000 Tour? Hell yes!

So, now you might ask, “Well, what do I need to know? What do I pack? What will this cost me? How do I even get in to the Snake Pit?”

Race tickets are $30 cash at the gate. You get a little keepsake ticket stub, and it is General Admission. We recommend you eat breakfast, and bring food for 2 meals per person. Personally, we buy ourselves 2 sandwiches each from Jimmy Johns THE NIGHT BEFORE and put them in the fridge, and we eat a good carb-loaded breakfast in the early AM before we head to the track. We recommend one case or 30-pack of beer per person. Even if you couldn’t possibly drink that much, you will blow through those cans like wildfire - whether it be trade for goodies and such, sprayed beers at specific moments (like the green flag), or simply knocked over and spilled because your drunk ass (or your friends’ drunk ass) wasn’t looking where he/she was going, etc. Bring a case each. Oh yeah, CANS ONLY - no glass at the track. That would be dumb. Bottled water, yeah, bring that too.

“The Indianapolis Motor Speedway allows personal coolers not larger than 14” by 14” by 14” to be carried into the grounds. No glass containers are allowed. Patrons may also bring in small backpacks and/or carry a bag in for food and personal items. All coolers, bags, backpacks and purses are subject to search at the gate.”

With these restrictions it is actually a good thing to keep yourself from carrying a big ass cooler that is just too unreasonably heavy to lug as far as we need to walk. Keep in mind that wheels ARE allowed, so a rolling cooler within the size limits can have more of your junk (and possibly additional coolers) stacked on top. We recommend this! If you don’t want to spend the money on a new rolling cooler, and you have multiple other coolers within the size restrictions, rummage around your Grandma’s attic for one of those old luggage rollers to put them all on or do something similarly creative. Believe us, it will be worth it when your drunk ass is walking what feels like 40,000 miles back to your car. Another idea is to leave with nothing but empty coolers - plan accordingly!

Additionally, don’t forget games, toys, etc. to keep yourself busy during the day. Nerf items, a football, soccer ball, velcro toys from the new summer section at Big Lots, etc. are fun, and you probably won’t care if you lose them, they break, whatever. DO NOT bring heavy ass hard bullshit like bocce, cricket or real baseballs. That’s just silly. We normally bring a soccer ball, a nerf football, a frisbee, and whatever else we think would be a good addition to the fun. Keep in mind, there will be fun games inside the Snake Pit.

SUN BLOCK. You will get sunburned, pretty much no matter what…but whether it turns into a reasonably maintainable inconvenience or a bubbling melanoma is completely up to you. Think about it.

Once you are inside the Speedway, the viewing mounds we normally occupy is off to the right, a pretty good long walk down the back stretch. We are next to food vendors and just short of the bathroom building. The golf course should be behind you as you look at the track. See the map for details.

In a redux of last year’s race and “Snake Pit,” A-Squared Industries is again helping out with the Snake Pit festivities in the track infield near Turn 3!

Now this is important: in order to get into the Snake Pit you will need a special rubber wrist band. It costs you nada, but you will HAVE to have attended one of the events associated with the “Snake Pit Tour,” whereby the Indy 500 Snake Pit Street Team will be giving them out. So, not just ANYBODY can drunkenly stumble on in to the Snake Pit for the party!

This, in effect, is serving as an invite to be part of a super-special Snake Pit club during the Indy 500…

“Snake Pit Tour? Wristbands? Now I have to do more just to get in the special party?!?”

Well, calm down… it probably isn’t anything you don’t already do! Do you go dance at LET GO! At The Lockerbie? Do you go to REAL TALK At The White Rabbit? At both of these parties in May is where you can score this nifty wrist band! The tour is also making stops at bars in South Bend, Lafayette, Terre Haute, Bloomington, and other Indy watering holes like Kilroy’s Downtown if you can’t make it to LET GO or REAL TALK, or if you are away at college.

Here is the schedule of events on Race Day, Sunday May 27th:

P.S.: LEARN THE WORDS TO “BACK HOME AGAIN IN INDIANA!”
Back home again in Indiana,
And it seems that I can see
The gleaming candlelight, still burning bright,
Through the sycamores for me.
The new-mown hay sends all its fragrance
Through the fields I used to roam.
When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash,
How I long for my Indiana home.